Week 12 Storytelling: Words Heeded
**PORTFOLIO UPDATE: https://sites.google.com/view/dawsonpleasant/words-heeded
Vashi and Targo were brothers born to a great king. The king had kept their herd safe for years and years under his watchful eye. This world carried many dangers for their kind and if they weren’t careful, death would find them in the blink of an eye.
Vashi and Targo were brothers born to a great king. The king had kept their herd safe for years and years under his watchful eye. This world carried many dangers for their kind and if they weren’t careful, death would find them in the blink of an eye.
When the cold winds started to fade away and the suns warmth once again covered the land, the king knew it was time. Their herd had a powerful desire for the crops that the humans grew each year. Inevitably, some of the foolish deer in their herd would wander into their fields and get caught by the traps that the humans set for them. After the king’s own brother was lost to the humans, he decided to enact a plan to save the lives of his herd.
When the crops started to become ripe, the king would split the herd into thirds. Each herd would go far away from the human settlements and stay there until the humans had finished their work with their crops. Each herd had to tread carefully through the trails as the humans would find them easily if they didn’t pay attention.
The two brothers were finally old enough to lead their own herd. The king taught each of them how to travel safely. He showed them the trails to take and the places to avoid. Vashi absorbed all this knowledge. He was eager to lead and didn’t want to let us father down.
***Two months later***
*…16, 17, 18.*
Vashi finished his count as he does every day. When his father sent a third of their herd away with him, he was terrified. “What if I take the wrong path? What if one of them find us?” Vashi would fret over these questions almost every moment of every day. Little did he know; this fear is what kept his herd alive and well throughout the most dangerous season of the year.
Finally, their journey was over. All Vashi had to do was lead his herd back to their home and they could play and eat as they did before they left for such a long journey. Vashi was preparing himself to face his father. Although Vashi hadn’t lost a single one of his herd, his knew his father was an unforgiving king, and the fear of that stood with him still.
Authors Note
My story follows the same storyline of Beauty And Brownie by Ellen C. Babbitt. In this story, two deer brothers lead their own part of the herd away during harvest season. Their father instructs them on how to travel safely. Beauty heeds his father's words and doesn't lose a single deer. Brownie, however, forgets what his father said and ends up losing almost all of his herd
In my story, I follow essentially the same storyline. I wanted to add a little more narrative and character to the deer. I also wanted to test out writing characters as animals, as I have never done that before. This story is not over. I hit somewhat of a writer's block and ended the story prematurely.
I plan on adding this story to my portfolio and when I do, I will finish out the story with Vashi discovering his brother's negligence and his father's rage.
Bibliography
Beauty And Brownie by Ellen C. Babbitt
*To Be Continued*
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| Herd of Deer: Source |
Authors Note
My story follows the same storyline of Beauty And Brownie by Ellen C. Babbitt. In this story, two deer brothers lead their own part of the herd away during harvest season. Their father instructs them on how to travel safely. Beauty heeds his father's words and doesn't lose a single deer. Brownie, however, forgets what his father said and ends up losing almost all of his herd
In my story, I follow essentially the same storyline. I wanted to add a little more narrative and character to the deer. I also wanted to test out writing characters as animals, as I have never done that before. This story is not over. I hit somewhat of a writer's block and ended the story prematurely.
I plan on adding this story to my portfolio and when I do, I will finish out the story with Vashi discovering his brother's negligence and his father's rage.
Bibliography
Beauty And Brownie by Ellen C. Babbitt
Hello again Dawson!
ReplyDeleteThis story is so well written. You did a great job making the story your own without completely changing it. There is a definite tension in the story. You can sense the fear of the dear and the desire for the king and his sons to keep their people safe. You mentioned that it wasn't intentional to end the story early with a "to be continued," but I think that made the story even better.
Hi, Dawson! I respect that you chose to wait to finish your story until you had something substantial. I like how explanative your story is. It helps us to truly understand the storyline and dilemma. I am looking forward to reading your update and seeing what you do with the end of this story. Overall, great work! Thanks for sharing!
ReplyDeleteHello again Dawson! I like that you added a time break in your story. I've never seen someone do something like that in their stories and it was really cool. I like how you stay close to the original story but add your own flair to make the stories your own. I like the to be continued at the end and the cliffhanger leaves people wanting to read more.
ReplyDeleteHello, nice to meet you Dawson!
ReplyDeleteI just finished up reading your week 12 story "Words Heeded". This was a very good read. I did not read that story yet so was unaware it followed the story of deer trying to grave and was initially confused, but got it after awhile. I like how you did the 4 month later part.
Hi Dawson great job on your story! I have not seen a story be split into two parts yet, but I like it because it makes the stories have more depth and allows you to tell the stories in more detail. I really like how you set up the story and described all of the details completely so I was not confused reading the story. Great job on the story, I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHi Dawson! I liked getting to read your story. I really enjoyed your writing style and the dialogue that you included in the story. Interesting way to tell it by putting it in two parts, I'll have to go and read the finished version now! Great job on it!
ReplyDelete