Introduction to an IT guy
My name is Dawson Pleasant and I am a fifth year senior majoring in Information Studies. I'm from Tulsa, Oklahoma and lived there basically all my life. Since freshman year, I have been involved in the competitive Ultimate Frisbee club here at OU. We travel around the country playing against other college teams at organized tournaments and have flown out as far as San Diego, California to do so. Starting in the spring semester of my junior year, I have worked in the IT department here at OU. During my time there I found a passion for AV Design and Control Systems and am currently interning with the AV Engineering team within IT. I am hoping to work as an AV and Control Systems Programmer/Integrator after I graduate, whether it be with OU IT or another local company. I have been acquiring various certifications with companies involved in the AV Control industry over the last six months. A common denominator in the books that I read are that they are all in the fantasy genre. Boo
Hey Dawson, great story! I really liked your take on The Foolish, Timid Rabbit. I don't know if you did this on purpose, but I thought it was hilarious that Zedd was cooking rabbit, since that was the star of the story you were reimagining. I think your site could really benefit from different images and a new title. That is definitely something that can be changed later if you change your mind, but it would be a good way to make your portfolio look put together. Since its a portfolio, finding a theme may take a little longer, but if you start brainstorming now I think your site would really benefit. I really liked that you had a moral at the end of your story. Zedd didn't just dismiss Richard like the lion dismissed the rabbit, he used it as a teaching experience for this young kid. I think it would be cool if that was your overarching theme. Advice or wisdom for young people, something like that. This was a really fun story and I enjoyed reading it!
ReplyDeleteHi Dawson, thank you for sharing this story of yours with us! I looked up the Foolish, Timid Rabbit and almost also wrote about it for my storytelling this week. Honestly so appreciated the humor of this story and the elements of wittiness that came with it as well. The imager you provided for us was real and made the story come alive in a really creative, unique way. The relationship between the lion and the rabbit was really intriguing and I thought you gave a great twist throughout the story. The plot was clear and full of details that provide a great experience for the reader. Thank you for sharing, again! I look forward to reading more of your writings and I hope you have a great week 6 in the class!
ReplyDeleteHello Dawson! The way you completely recreated the story all whilst keeping the moral of the original within yours was amazing. I especially liked how you changed it up to be kept more within reality. I wonder if the other kids ever found out that Richard did not combat a demon, but instead ran into a mother dog with her pups? Although I do like the separation of text as big blocks of text can make reading difficult, I do not think every sentence needs it's own separation from the others. I subconsciously pause between paragraphs as that is how I believe the author meant for it to be read. In your story there 13 separations. This caused the reading to flow a little less smoothly. However the writing was amazing and I thoroughly enjoyed the story. The best part of your story, for me at least, was the final lesson to be learned, that not everything is as it seems, which you so eloquently added on top of the original stories theme.
ReplyDeleteHello Dawson what a funny story you have written . I feel like many kids and even I was that way. We always thought monsters were out to get us when really it was the wind blowing the tree against a rock. I loved how you used little kids and puppies. What a great combination. I hope all the kids ended up all right and I hope they learned to run faster. Kids are so creative and you made the story just that. Your portfolio is very simple which is not a bad thing. I feel like you could make the home page more exciting because that will get people ready to read your story. The first story was fun to read but kinda hard because of the big spaces between each paragraph/ sentence.I hope you keep on working on this to make it an even better first story. Can't wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteHello Dawson, I thought your story was exceptionally well written, conveying the fear of the children without making the story intimidating or fearful itself. This allows the story to be read to all ages, which is perfect for these sort of simple morality tales. The gentle teaching moment Zedd gives is the perfect example of this, he takes the time to stop and explain to the child his error, rather than dismiss him out of hand in the original. The dog picture in your story was good, I would suggest adding a picture or something like that to your home page, add a little excitement and color. Also, in the story itself maybe reducing the paragraph spacing by a line in order to prevent the writing from looking disjointed. Overall, a very good start for the storybook, I hope to see this sort of children's tales continued, and look forward to reading more form you in the future.
ReplyDeleteHey Dawson, I really liked your take on the story! It was a cute and refreshing read. I like that you made the imaginary threat of the story something actually pretty adorable. I also liked that you were able to keep the moral of the story intact. I noticed when I was writing my version of the Jatakas that keeping the moral intact was one of the more difficult parts of writing those stories. One of the things you could consider when editing this story is to try shorter and choppier sentences. Doing so helps make the story feel more frantic, and I think that would fit very well since the children are running from a supposed demon. I also think you should consider removing the detail about the apple tree. The fact that it is an apple tree has nothing to do with the rest of the story is a little bit distracting. Great project overall so far!
ReplyDeleteHi Dawson!
ReplyDeleteI fell upon your portfolio due to randomizer, and I am very glad that I did! I am also creating a portfolio, and I love to see how everyone else is shaping and forming their assignments!
First and foremost, I think that you should add an exciting photo at the home page of your portfolio. It would help draw the reader into your portfolio and set the tone before they even read your stories! Sometimes, when a blog is a simple layout, it seems cold and bland. In your story, I really liked how you utilized dialogue. ESPECIALLY when you used all caps! It drew me into the story, and I felt like I was there and in the moment! However, when you use a lot of dialogue, it makes your paragraphs smaller. Maybe try rearranging your dialogue to where you can change up your paragraph length because it gets a little exhaustive to read a bunch of 2-3 sentence paragraphs. Overall, great job! I can't wait to read more!
Hi Dawson thank you for sharing your story with us this week! Your portfolio looks super nice and I appreciate the organization and unique design you chose!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the creativity you brought to the table. I appreciated the unique language and dialogue shown here. The characters were set up really well and brought the story to life more than any other part of the story. I enjoyed reading in segments, rather than one long story. I also thought it was cool the simplicity of the design you chose, it went super well with the story you told.
I look forward to reading more of your stories! Keep up the portfolio, you got this! Have a great week 8 of class!
Hey, Dawson! One of my favorite things about this class is all the different directions you can take it. I too rewrote The Foolish, Timid Rabbit for one of my stories, and even still I hardly recognized it in your creative telling until the end. I also loved the creative language you used, it made the story seem very mythical and like a childhood fairytale. The switching of the characters into humans was also an interesting choice that led to a whole new world being created from this story. You really transformed the story into your own. On a side note, I am a sucker for a puppy photo so the picture you choice to go with your story was a major factor in me loving the story so much. I also like that the Rabbit character, Robert, was not punished or humiliated for his mistake like Rabbit was originally. It was something I changed in my story as well, just in a completely different way, because I disliked him being punished for an honest mistake.
ReplyDeleteHey Dawson! It was so great to visit your website and explore the things that you enjoy and what you have written about. I think that exploring each others stories really helps us to not only get to know one another, but to also see how people react to all of the different stories and things that we have read and learned throughout the semester. I also really like that you are going to write different stories each time. A lot of people are writing their stories so that they all connect together , but it is also great to do it the way that you are so that you can write each story on its own without having to adhere to a certain standard and theme. Altogether, I really enjoyed your writing and I am very excited to hear more of what you have to write about. Great job!
ReplyDeleteHello Dawson! I really liked visiting your website! Your story was a good read and I like you wrote about the mother's protectiveness! I love animals, especially puppies so you really got with me with the puppy picture! You could add some more puppy pictures, specifically a larger image at the beginning of your story so that you can draw in your readers with so much cuteness! The layout of your website is simple and I like it a lot! Keep up the great work and I cannot wait to see what more you have to offer as the semester goes by! I hope you enjoy this class as much as I do! I am getting a lot out of this class and I hope you are too! Have a wonderful day!
ReplyDeleteHi Dawson!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, let me say that I found it hilarious that they were eating rabbit in your story! Since it's based off the Timid Rabbit, it was kind of an inside joke, right? Well, that's how I took it.
I enjoyed the concept of your story, and I was unable to identify the original source until I got to the author's note. So that's good! You explained everything well in the author's note, and I had no issues following your logical connection between the two.
I think it's a good moral - that panic doesn't do anyone any good, and assuming the worst might not always be expedient. I did find it a little strange (it made me giggle imaging it) that a child would have such a thing to say: "Do not dwell on this mistake for too long. You tried to protect your friends from a possibly dangerous situation. That is nothing to feel ashamed of. But know this, your friends look up to you and will heed what you say and do. You must be sure to act logically and virtuously as your decisions will affect them more than you know"
It sounds like something someone very mature and wise would say, and I spent the story envisioning them as children. Maybe mention if they're older children (teens) or whatnot? It's a great story! Great work!
Hi Dawson! Your homepage does a great job of introducing the reading and giving us an idea about why you chose your setting. I really liked this. I also like how the banner image corresponds to the setting, giving us a visual idea.I really liked your version of the timid rabbit story. It was creative to completely change the characters into humans. I also got a vibe of the little boy who cried wolf. You did a great job with detail in the story. One suggestion I have would be to add a banner image to the story. For me, the banner image sets the particular story. Maybe you could have an outline of a creature or something. One thing that really stuck out to me was in the beginning, the story almost seemed like it would be scary, this was due to the details. Overall, great job and I look forward to reading more.
ReplyDeleteHey Dawson! I really enjoyed your first story for your portfolio. I like how you changed the story away from the animal theme and switched it to humans. It makes the story more realistic and just overall better. In the original story, a coconut falls from a tree and makes a loud noise. This causes the rabbit to think that the world is ending and he convinces most of the animals to run with him. I like how in your story you changed it to a demon chasing them instead of the world ending. I really enjoyed how the demon/monster was just a little mother pup. It was a really great twist. Overall, I enjoyed your story a lot and look forward to reading more of your stories. I think that you could add a banner image to really add to the feel of the website. It would be a great addition to your story.
ReplyDeleteHey Dawson! Your homepage was simple to read and introduced the topics and style or storytelling. I liked the banner image as well as it ties with the medieval theme well. Well done on your first story based on the timid rabbit. Certain aspects, like the informal leader, are very relatable and made the story come to life. A little more description of the setting and characters would of made the story fuller but it was still understandable nonetheless. When the children were weaving through the forest, were they intending to reach Lorren's hut? Was this just a coincidence? Also, how doe the children know Lorren? It seems that he lives in isolation. I did like how you made what he had in his pocket a mystery. It continued the mystery for the reader and added an element of magic to the story. Overall, great job! It was a fun story to read.
ReplyDeleteHi Dawson! I really liked your story about the Demon of the Forest. Your story was very captivating and kept me on the edge of my seat. You really know how to pull in the reader and immerse them in the story. I quite enjoyed how you made the monster a mother dog and her puppies. I also really liked how cool you made Lorren. Instead of outing Richard to his friends he rather talks Richard up to them so that they admire him more. The warning he gives Richard about how he needs to heed what he says and does is also some very good advice. After reading your author’s note I learned more about the original story. I really liked how much you changed and what you actually changed. But what if you made the mother dog and her puppies and actual scary thing but then made them out to be harmless? I think that might be a fun way to approach this story as well. You did a great job and I cannot wait to read more.
ReplyDeleteHey Dawson! I really like your portfolio website. I like the banner image for your home page. It's a really pretty scene and sets the backdrop to your stories up nicely. I also like that you give the reader an overview of your portfolio and the stories you tell in it on the home page because it keeps readers interested in reading further through your stories. Your first story is amazing and I really enjoyed reading it. I like that it's told from a child's perspective at first as they run from the supposed demon and rush for help from the old man. I also like how it seems the old man knows the whole time there is nothing to be afraid of and to use it as a teaching moment for the young Lorren. Overall it's a really cool storybook and I look forward to seeing how it looks when you finish it at the end of the semester.
ReplyDeleteHey Dawson! Your portfolio is looking great! I think that while the portfolio itself doesn't have one theme, your style stayed consistent so that the reader doesn't feel like they're reading random and sporadic stories. It felt like all of these could come from the same world and be connected, even though they're all different.
ReplyDeleteFor me, I liked your third story best. It seemed to have the most detail and I was interested to see how it would end! I think that your second story, Thataka's Retribution, could use the most editing. Everything you have in the story is great, but I think that with more detail, it could be the best of the portfolio! I felt I had to reread trying to understand exactly what was happeneing. I think that imagery would be the most important to add, help the reader feel like they're in the middle of the action.
Hi Dawson! I enjoyed your retelling of The Foolish Timid Rabbit very much. The moral of your story about a leader being conscious of how their actions will affect those that follow them works very well with the original source. One thing you might want to revisit is the sentence in the first paragraph that begins "As they were playing and pretending." I had to read that sentence a few times, and I think there is a way to reword it to make it clear on the first reading.
ReplyDeleteIn Thataka's Retribution, you did a fantastic job of juxtaposing the past beauty with the current destruction of the land and of Lakshmana's interpretation of his brother's feelings toward the destruction. I wonder if the title is the best fit though. It seems odd to me to base the title of the piece on something you chose not to include, so that is something you might want to consider.
Good job! Your writing is very vivid and engaging.
Hey Dawson! I too share an interest in medieval literature. There’s something magical about stories based in that time. I don’t know if it’s because so many tales of magic have arisen from and about that era, or if it is intrinsic to it on it’s own. Even in this story, which had no supernatural elements, I couldn’t help but imagine the world as shared with magical beings. The “Demon of the Forest” felt quite plausible for that reason!
ReplyDeleteI love the simplicity of this story. It feels like it could have really happened. I think we’ve all overreacted (especially as children) and run away from scary, invisible monsters! I love the subtle nod to the original story with the name of Lorren (lion).
As for choosing storytelling tools or themes based on your comfort level, I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I would encourage you to take risks, try new things! You’re clearly a capable writer, and timidity is not the friend of creation. I’m keen to see what you do next with this portfolio! :) Thanks for sharing.
Meredith
Hello Dawson. I really liked your stories. I thought that adding a bit of bio and background to the home page was a nice touch. I really liked the story "The Demon of the Forest". I thought this was an interesting take on the story about the timid rabid. I thought your twist of the demon being a bunch of puppies was a really original and funny idea. The writing of the story was also pretty good. It was easy to follow along and keep the dialogue strait. I also really liked the picture of the dog that you used. I also liked your "Words Heeded" story. this one was done really well. I liked the way you organized it and the jump in time was easy to follow. I also liked that you tried to add more emotion and detail to the story. I also thought the exile was a fitting end to the story. Overall a great project.
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